Ever been cruising steadily along in one direction when suddenly life whips you onto another route entirely? There I was, plugging away with all my plans and projects when suddenly I discover I’m pregnant again. Whoa, not what I had in mind, with my kids now 8 and 10 and all that baby stuff far behind me (so I thought)!
Pregnancy is one event that calls for absolute surrender and flexibility – not always my strong points, I’ll admit. It also calls for a return to the basics of life. As conscious humans we can direct our own lives to a significant degree, but we are still a part of a larger whole whose consciousness, I believe, is also self-directed. Sometimes, we have to flow with the larger direction, surrendering like a fish that gets lifted out of its comfort zone by a wave.
I believe we are part of a greater whole, as we move with it and it moves within us. Almine says it beautifully: “Each one of us is a consciousness superimposed upon all that is.… In us God moves and has his being and in God, we move and have our being.” Learning of my pregnancy was a not-so-subtle reminder that as much as God and Nature have supported and served me, I am also in service to that greater consciousness. That greater consciousness had plans that I was being asked to participate in – in this case, to birth a new soul into the world.
My reaction, once I recovered from the shock, was to resist, because my ego didn’t want to go through the hassle and take on the responsibility. I already have two fantastic children. Getting them to this stage has been demanding enough. I know what raising a child entails and the sacrifices required (without rest or breaks). And besides, I couldn’t help thinking, the world has enough of an overpopulation problem without me adding to it. I know you’re probably thinking I should know how babies are conceived and should have taken the necessary precautions. I can assure you, we did! The same precautions we have taken for 16 years, which only resulted in two planned pregnancies. Even more reason to believe this was beyond my will and must be part of a greater plan.
After a few rants and raves, which my husband patiently endured, I contemplated the reverence I’ve learned to have for Nature and the interconnectedness of life. I started to let go of my fears and think about how amazing this event really was – that we would have a new member of our family, that this beautiful soul wanted me to be his/her mother and my husband to be his/her father. I thought of the ancient tree that survives the storms because it is strong enough to bend. Was I strong enough to bend?
Over the last 3 months I’ve learned that I’m more flexible than I thought. Instead of practicing inversions, I’ve been practicing surrender. Instead of sweating in the sauna, I’ve sweated out fears and limbered up my brittle mental and emotional tendons. I’ve opened up a “womb at the inn” and invited this life force to take up residence for the next nine months. I’ve laughed more. I’ve played more. I’ve rested more and made a fine art out of doing as little as possible (in between project deadlines and planning a demanding move from a city apartment into a house).
It’s good to move out of your comfort zone and learn how adaptable you can be. I feel much more at one with the unity of life that I contemplate so much. It feels good to bend, to go in a direction I didn’t intend, to embrace the unknown, to allow something mysterious to grow within me.
They say every baby brings a gift. So far, this one is bringing me more gifts than I can keep track of, and I wanted to share the joyful news with you.
P.S. I believe this event puts to rest the rumor that stevia has natural contraceptive properties 😉